Monday, March 16, 2009


It’s always nice to have to write blog entries that you wonder if you’ll ever be able to post, because of fear.

I guess, though, that censorship itself roots in fear, but right now my main fear is that I will never ever get out of here, run out of money, and end up being completely helpless to stop the forces that constantly threaten to derail me from my purpose.

I’m afraid too that this crook will succeed in getting the chimpanzees brought to the Kisangani Zoo, which is a deathtrap. I’d stand in front of the caravan myself before letting these chimps anywhere near that place.

But to be so close to finality, to success, and to have SO MUCH CRAP go down, every day, no way to vent, poor Adam still sick, just trying to hold it all together and not go completely insane...

To add to that, certain otherwise-inclined parties who take interest in finding ways to take my blog out of context and use it against me, my colleagues or my employers... makes every entry I write in candor a potential minefield.

I’ve enjoyed being able to be frank and use wit to best convey life here -- the ups AND the downs - and I’m feeling constrained by the inability to recount things as they happen.

Thus, I may never post this entry, but being able to know it exists, to mark this day where I paced so much I might as well have created a furrow in the cement floor, makes me feel ... at least a little bit... better.

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